


A Cowards Pain

by Silentx13



Series: Silmarillion One Shots [19]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gondolin, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Rivendell | Imladris, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21737614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silentx13/pseuds/Silentx13
Summary: Not much is said about who Salgant was or why he did the things he did or what happened to him. So, let's explore that shall we?
Series: Silmarillion One Shots [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1329459
Kudos: 3





	A Cowards Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Some warning. This will be a bit heavy and will feature some self-harm and unhealthy ways to deal with pain. So, please take note of that warning.

Glorfindel yawned as he walked the woods outside Rivendell. He was not guarding but did have his sword with him. The reason for the walk was that the twins were driving him up a wall (at one point literally) so he had to leave to get some air and space. 

He stretched feeling the sun on his skin as he walked. Yet, he slowed his walk hearing slow footsteps. They were distent but he clearly heard them. He listened carefully to the steps and looked over in the direction they came from. They were very slow and it was a bit concerning how slow. He headed that way to see if anyone was hurt. 

Then within a few long strides, he came to where he heard the steps and he saw a figure with a tattered cloak pulled over their head. They were walking very slowly and Glorfindel was pretty sure he saw a limp. "Hey! Are you okay?" Glorfindel called out as he came over. 

The figure froze as they heard Glorfindel's voice. They stood there shaking seemingly unable to remove. Glorfindel slowed his walk and said, "Hey. I am not going to hurt you." 

He slowly walked over to them and put a hand on their shoulder and slowly turned them. Glorfindel stepped back in surprise as he saw a face he thought he'd never see again. Salgant stood in front of him but he looked horrible. His face was sunken in and his eyes held very little life. His cheek was bruised and he had dirt smudged on his face. 

Glorfindel stared at him a part of him wanted to grab his sword and demand why Salgant did what he did. Why did he flee? Why did he try to send his house elsewhere? Yet, he couldn't as he looked at Salgant's face. It was filled with fear and pain....even after all these years. Also, Salgant was the first elf he had run into after all these years who survived the fall of their once-great city. He also was a friend and with all of those he could not bear to draw a sword on him.

Salgant looked down and started to move away but Glorfindel grabbed his hand. A quick movement he pulled Salgant into a hug. Glorfindel was surprised to feel how thin Salgant felt, not thin as in how elves were thin. It was thin as in not eating nearly enough. 

After a moment Glorfindel let go and looked at Salgant who had his head facing the ground. "Salgant?" Glorfindel asked. 

Yet the elf just fell to the ground with a broken sob escaping his mouth. Glorfindel bent down and put a hand on his shoulder. Salgant looked up at Glorfindel with tears streaming down his face. In a voice that sounded very sore like it hadn't spoken for a while said, "Why are you just sitting there. Why aren't you yelling or doing anything..." 

That was all the broken elf got out before his head fell back down and more sobs came. Glorfindel just crossed his legs and looked at him. "Seeing the way you are...I don't think I can be mad at you." He said gently.

"But-but...I," Salgant mumbled brokenly. 

"It was many many ages ago, I am not mad at you. Not at all." Glorfindel said. Salgant did not reply as he sat there as he sniffed quietly. 

"Salgant. It looks like you could use some help. At least a place to stay at for the night." Glorfindel said after a few moments as he held out his hand. Salgant looked at him and whipped his eyes with the edge of the tatted sleeve. 

"Please," Glorfindel urged the elf. It had been so many years and Salgant was a complete disaster. Salgant looked at Glorfindel's hand and slowly took it. Glorfindel smiled and stood up helping Salgant towards Rivendell. He looked at the elf as they walked and he sighed. It seemed he and Elrond had some work to do to help him. He also could not be mad at Salgant since he had forgiven Maglor for what he and his brothers had done. How could he be mad at Salgant for what he did when he had forgiven a kinslayer. Yet, from talking with Maglor he just hoped that Salgant could forgive himself. Judging from the way Salgant was that will be a very hard task. 

"Where are we heading?" Salgant asked after a few moments. 

"Rivendell," Glorfindel replied. Salgant looked at him and started to pull away. 

"No." He muttered. 

Glorfindel just held his hand firmly and said, "I am sorry, Salgant but you really need a healer. Look at yourself, you are shaking, you are thin as anything, and your clothes are as rags." 

Salgant shook his head, trying to pull his hand away. Glorfindel sighed and said, "Salgant. Please." 

Salgant still remained firm in not wanting to go. Glorfindel drew in a breath and said, "Salgant, you are in no shape to be out alone and you know I will carry you if I have too." 

Salgant stopped his feeble attempt to pull away and just looked down. His shoulders slumped and Glorfindel was able to start leading him into Rivendell. He felt Salgant tense as they entered the city. So, he quickly led him through the halls and to the main healing wing. Thankfully Elrond was there once he came in with Salgant. 

"Ah. Glorfin-" Yet, Elrond stopped as he looked up and saw the elf standing by Glorfindel. He saw the look on Glorfindel's face so he said nothing at first. He let Glorfindel explain when he could but he saw the state of the elf and he looked horrible. 

"Elrond. This is...Salgant." Glorfindel said as he came over dragging Salgant slightly. Salgant just was quiet looking at the ground like it was the most interesting thing there was. When Elrond heard that name his eyebrows rose slightly. Yet, after a moment he shook his slight surprise away and said, "Hello." 

Salgant made no reply as he stood there, Glorfindel gave a bit of a sigh as he put a hand on Salgant's shoulder and said, "This is Lord Elrond. He rules over Rivendell, he is also a very skilled healer." 

Salgant looked to the former lord of Gondolin and then at Elrond as he said, "Before I do anything maybe we can get you some new clothes and you can have a warm meal. Then we can worry about it." 

Salgant realized it was completely hopeless to refuse, so he just gave a small nod. Glorfindel let out a breath of relief as he led him to one of the beds that were behind a closed door. He had him sit down and stepped just to the door and said, "I think it is better if I stay with him." 

"I agree," Elrond said with a nod. "I do not mind getting some new clothes." 

Glorfindel nodded his thanks and looked at Salgant who was sitting there like a statue. He gave a little sigh and sat down next to him. "I don't know what is going on...but I want to help you," Glorfindel said to him.

Salgant did not make eye contact as he mumbled, "Like, I deserve it."

Glorfindel sighed and looked up as there was a knock at the door. He looked up and saw Elrond holding a change of clothes. "These should fit," Elrond said. 

Glorfindel stood up and took them and handed them over. "Here you go. We'll be right outside when you are done." He said. 

Salgant gave a bit of a nod as he took the clothes and looked at them as Glorfindel left the room closing the door gently behind him. He let out a long breath and ran a hand partway through his hair. 

"So. Salgant," Elrond said after a moment of silence. He made sure to keep his voice quiet enough so Salgant won't here.

"Yeah, I just found him wandering outside Rivendell. It took a lot more convincing then I thought to him come here." He replied keeping his voice at the same level. 

"I can see. He does not look well," Elrond said. 

"Well?" Glorfindel said. "Not well I think will be an improvement." 

Elrond sighed and said, "Yes. Yet, we need to be careful with him. We can only guess what happened but he seems very fragile. We need to be slightly forceful with somethings but with others, we need to let him decide a bit more." 

Glorfindel nodded and said, "Alright." 

He then looked up as the door opened and Salgant stood there he was dressed in the new clothes. He looked a bit better but the new clothes showed just how thin he was, it also showed that he was a bit dirty all over his body. His hair also was just a mess, it was knotted, dirty, and cut at a strange angle.

Glorfindel looked at him and stood up. "Is it more comfortable?" He asked. 

Salgant just nodded and fiddled with the edge of the tunic he wore which hung on him like a tent. Glorfindel just looked at Elrond who thought a few moments. He then looked up and said, "Salgant. Glorfindel is going to stay with you while I go get you some food and if it's okay with you, I want to make you some tea with a few herbs in it. Just something that will help keep the food settles. Also, just some to help relax you a little." 

Salgant looked at Glorfindel and he gave a small nod. Glorfindel led him back to the room and had him sit back down on the bed. Glorfindel saw the dirty clothes he was wearing and frowned at them. He did not deserve to be stuck wearing those. He looked at Salgant who still was sitting there. Yet on the side of the table that they had was a very old journal. When he said old he meant it. It looked even before maybe the time of Gondolin...perhaps before the trees were destroyed. 

Salgant saw Glorfindel looking at it and grabbed it. "It's mine," He said softly. 

"Alright," Glorfindel replied gently. Salgant held it close as Glorfindel walked over and sat down at the edge of the bed. Glorfindel just looked at Salgant who was holding the journal like that small book of papers that looked to be falling out was the only thing on Arda keeping him alive. 

Glorfindel just thought it best not to say anything right then, maybe after they got Salgant some food and hopefully a bath. They could talk or at least Salgant will be okay with Glorfindel doing the talking. So, he was thankful when Elrond came in holding a tray of food. He saw the food was very simple, being just some bread and from what he saw a bit of fruit. Also, a cup of tea sat on the tray as Elrond put it down on the open part of the bed. "Here you go." He said. 

Salgant nodded and was about to move but Glorfindel passed the tray closer to him. Salgant smiled a small thanks at him. Yet, the small smile faded quickly as with shaking hands began to slowly to nibble on the food. 

"Salgant," Elrond said causing the elf to stop and look up slightly. 

"After you eat. I do think you should bath before you rest. If you do have any injuries they could get infected and from that. You can get a bit sick." Elrond said. Salgant looked at his clothes and then at Elrond. 

"Don't worry about them. We can get you some more things to wear," He said. "And we have a private bathroom in the healing wing." Elrond did add. 

"Alright," Salgant replied. 

Elrond smiled and left the two alone. Glorfindel remained quiet just letting Salgant focus on eating. It pained him to see he had just the smallest drop of trouble with it. He just prayed that they will be able to help the poor elf out. 

* * *

Salgant walked by Glorfindel to the private bathroom, Glorfindel had gone to get it ready for him. He did not deserve this kindness, especially not from Glorfindel. Yet, he knew it was pointless to try to fight it. He knew that Glorfindel will not let it go seeing how he was physically and he will do whatever he could to help him. 

Salgant just looked at the water in the tub and looked at Glorfindel as he got some towels out and laid his clothes off to the side. "There you go," Glorfindel said. 

Salgant just nodded a bit as Glorfindel headed to the door. "Take as much time as you need," He said. "I'll be right out here if you need anything." 

Once again Salgant just nodded and once the door was closed he carefully pulled the clothes from his body. His body had scars and bruises all over it. Some old and some new. Some older than most and some a bit fresh. Yet the scars that made him feel sick was the one that was on the side of his stomach. He hated that wound more than anything, it made him feel so sick. He just closed his eyes and took a breath. Just wash off the dirt...and the dried blood. Salgant thought as he got into the tub. 

He could not help but let out a soft moan of relief. The warm water felt very nice against his cold and bruised body. It took a few moments but soon he did grab the soap and a soft cloth and started to clean himself off. He did rush it a bit since he just wanted to get covered up again. He hated looking at his scars right now, he always hated seeing some but after what he did. He hated seeing them even more so. 

Yet even with the quick bath, he did feel better. His body was relaxed and it did feel nice to put on clean clothes when he was clean himself. He stepped out and found Glorfindel waiting for him. He looked up and smiled and said, "You look a bit better," 

Salgant just gave a small nod and followed Glorfindel back to his room. He sat down on the bed just like he did before. It was then Salgant realized that another reason he felt his body relax more was the tea that Elrond gave him. 

"Hey. You are looking tired, maybe you can get some sleep." Glorfindel said. 

Salgant just laid back and slowly moved under the blankets. He was a bit ashamed to admit that Glorfindel had to help him out. Yet, a few moments later he was laying in bed with the soft blanket pulled close around him.

"Alright. I'll be in the other room if you need me," Glorfindel said.

Salgant looked up and before he realized what he said, He said, "No." 

Glorfindel looked at a bit startled and a little confused. "Do you want me to stay here?" He asked. 

Salgant looked down but nodded. Glorfindel just nodded and sat down in a chair by him. Salgant settled deeper into the bed and closed his eyes. Before he knew it. He drifted off into a dream

* * *

_"Rauil?" Asked a young Salgant as he and an older elf sat by a river. Rauil looked at him and asked, "Yes?"_

_"Why am I short?" Salgant asked with a little huff._

_"Well, you are not that oldm" Rauil replied._

_"I know but when we pass other Avari and they have elves closer to my age they are all taller," He said with a sigh. Rauil looked at him and smirked suddenly. "Well. I have a solution to that, it is tempory and you will even deice to go back to how tall you are now."_

_Salgant looked at him with wide eyes as Rauil stood up. Suddenly with a swift motion, Salgant was on the other elf's shoulders. "Tada," Rauil said. "Now you are even taller than them."_

_"This is not what I meant," Salgant said but he did say it through giggles._

_"I know, we can't change what we are, Salg." He said as he sat back down with Salgant still holding onto him. "For right now you are a little short but-" He continued as he put the elfling down and turned to face him. "-but you'll grow. Yet, how tall you dose not matter. Your kindness and the light you have. That's what matters, more than anything."_

_Salgant smiled and hugged him. Rauil smiled and hugged him back and said, "However, I think there is a rule that little brothers can not be taller than their older brother. Know why? So we can always do this!"_

_He then grabbed him tightly and began tickling him. Salgant burst out giggling and squirmed around in his older brother's arms. After a few moments, he stopped and let Salgant go but the elfling just fell over giggling still. Rauil smiled as Salgant sat up and grinned up at him. Rauil then looked at the stream and saw some fish swimming around._

_"Let's have an easily dinner then we should head home," Rauil said. He looked at Salgant who nodded happily. Rauil smiled and stood up and grabbed a long branch. He pulled out his knife and sharpened the edge. He then stood by the edge of water carefully and with a quick thrust of his hand, the sharpened stick stabbed a fish. Then a few moments later two fish were roasting on a fire that Rauil had started. Salgant sat next to him cuddled into his brother's side._

_"You are so cool," Salgant said._

_"Well one of has to be," He said tapping Salgant lightly on the nose causing him to make a face. Rauil smiled and sat back looking at the endless starless sky. They both were quiet listening just to the crackling of the fire. Rauil closed his eyes for a moment but looked down at his brother as he heard him sigh._

_"Something wrong?" Rauil asked._

_"I miss them," Salgant said softly._

_Rauil looked at Salgant with a gentle face and pulled him close. "I know buddy...I know."_

_Salgant was referring to their parents who both passed away around five years ago. Leaving Rauil to defend, provide and having to raise Salgant. Which he did with no regrets but it was hard since they both missed their parents. Their mother's beautiful singing and flute playing. Their father's firm but loving advice and the adventures he took them on._

_Rauil looked at Salgant and ruffled his hair up and said, "Hey. Remember how they used to make those wood flutes for us? Why don't we make some while dinner is cooking."_

_Salgant nodded and sat up a bit as Rauil gathered some ticker sticks and sat down by Salgant. He took out his knife and started carving one bit of wood carefully. After he started it he handed them over to Salgant to use. He kept his hand over his little brothers keeping his hand steady and making sure he got the right movements. Then as they got halfway through making their small wood pipes. Their dinner was ready._

_As they ate Rauil began telling Salgant different stories. Some true others he made up on the spot. Salgant giggled as Rauil used different voices for the stories. Then as they were finished Rauil stood up and said "Hey. We should head back home,"_

_Salgant sighed but nodded and took Rauil's hand as he started walking into the woods. Salgant leaned happily into his brother's side, he felt safe with his brother walking calmly next to him. They soon reached their home which in truth was just a small hut that Rauil had made. They would have stayed in their old home but that was destroyed by a group that belonged to Melkor's right hand. Mairon. In fact, that's how their parents died, the group destroyed their home killing them. Even with Melkor being gone, Mairon continued on his work of shaping and perfecting orcs. Yet, they survived but now they were living in a small hut. Getting by day today. Yet, Rauil did everything he could to make sure Salgant always wore a smile and was healthy._

_"Rauil?" Salgant asked as they walked inside._

_"Hmm?" He asked looking at his brother._

_"Tomorrow can we finish the pipes?" Salgant asked._

_"Of course, now it is late. We need to get some sleep," Rauil replied. Salgant nodded and climbed into the makeshift bed. Rauil laid down next to him and Salgant smiled softly. "Rauil?" He asked softly._

_"Yeah?" His brother answered._

_"You won't let Mairon get us. Will you?" Salgant asked._

_"Never. I will protect you till the ends of time." Rauil said putting a firm arm around Salgant. Who then was silent for many moments. He then asked, "You'll stay with me...right?"_

_"For always and forever," Rauil said. "I will leave you, never."_

_Then with that. Salgant closed his eyes._

* * *

Salgant gasped and sat up. He found himself staring at Glorfindel's face, he wasn't sure what happened. Yet, Glorfindel looked a little worried as Salgant's head dropped to his shoulder. Salgant then started to cry once more. Glorfindel who was a bit confused just wrapped an arm around him. He saw Salganet shifting around in his sleep and went to make sure it was alright.

Glorfindel just let the other elf cry and curl up. Whatever was wrong he really hoped that he and Elrond could help. Yet, he never remembered Salgant being like this. So he did also wonder what happened that made him like this. But...was he always similar to this and he and the other lords just missed it. He just shook his head and thought to himself that no matter what the case is. He'll just be here for him and hopefully, help him get better. 

* * *

It was just the next day as Salgant sat in the bathroom on a stool. Glorfindel was behind him carefully fixing Salgant's ragged hair. It took a bit of asking to have Salgant agree but he did. Glorfindel took a pair of scissors and started cutting the parts that needed it. He saw Salgant tense as he did this. 

"Hey. Don't worry, your hair won't look like Ecthelion's that one time I had to cut it." Glorfindel said gently with a light laugh.

Salgant was quiet but a tiny smile came to his face as Glorfindel said that. Yet, he then cast his eyes down as Glorfindel continued. He sighed as he looked at Salgant and just finished up. When he was done he set the stuff down and said, "There we go. Not to bad if I say so myself." 

Salgant was looking in the mirror at it another bit of a smile on his face. It took to days but Salgant was looking like a normal person now. His hair was not knocked or dirty, it was the same length and slightly shaped correctly. His clothes were clean and untorn, then lastly he was clean. All of these things Elrond said were good starters before they needed to deal with whatever was going on him that made him get to that state. 

Glorfindel was quiet for a moment and then asked, "Would you like to go back to your room or maybe would you like to take a small walk around?" 

"The room," Salgant replied instantly. Glorfindel nodded and walked with him back to his room. Salgant sat on the bed and brought his legs close to him.

Glorfindel sat down right by him and asked, "Would you like to talk about last night?" 

Salgant looked up at him and blinked. He swallowed and looked down. He couldn't talk about it, he just could not. Since if he did he'll have to say what happened. So he just hung his head and pulled his legs closer to him. His arms wrapped around himself and he just stayed like that. 

Glorfindel just looked at his friend with a pained face. He had no idea what was making him like this, he had a feeling a part of it was him being labeled as a coward when he fled from the fall of Gondolin or maybe it was his slight betrayal. Yet, it could be both but even if it was there was something more to this pain and fear that Salgant had. 

* * *

It was later in the day as Salgant was just nibbling at his food when Elrond knocked on the door. Glorfindel was half asleep in a chair but looked up and blinked sleepily. He shook himself awake we stood up as Elrond walked in. 

"Glorfindel? May I speak with you outside?" He asked. 

"Of course," Glorfindel said and walked with him just outside the room. The door was closed and Glorfindel looked at Elrond. 

"Is something wrong?" He asked. 

"To make a long story short as we were taking care of the clothes he had on. The shirt he had on and a few areas that had bloodstains. Yet, it was covered by the cloak he wore. I do know I said we should try to wait but if one of the wounds became infected..." Elrond said. 

Glorfindel nodded and looked at the door and said, "May have to sedate him to agree to that." 

"Maybe but maybe you could ask," Elrond said. 

"I will do what I can," He said with a small nod. He walked back into the room and went over to Salgant. 

"Salgant. Elrond thinks it is a good idea for him just to look at your wounds. If any of them become infected you can get sick and with you being so thin it will be bad." Glorfindel said. 

Salgant looked at him and shook his head firmly. Glorfindel sighed slightly and said, "Please. Salgant, just let Elrond look them over."

"No," He said hugging his arms to himself almost as like to cover something up. Glorfindel saw this and looked at Salgant and thought for a moment. He then said, "How about this. You let him look you over and we will not ask or say anything. He'll just treat your wounds and when you are ready to talk we will." 

Salgant looked at him and then down at himself. He sighed and said, "Alright."

Glorfindel smiled and stood up to get Elrond. He walked into the room and told Elrond what the plan was. Elrond agreed and grabbed the things he knew he'll need. He then came into the room with Glorfindel. Both Elves stopped as they saw Salgant sitting there with his shirt laying next to him. His body was littered with bruises and scars. Some looked and some looked no older than a week. His arms bore light red lines and some of those looked new. Yet, the one caught the most attention was a medium-sized scar that was on his side. It looked like an engraving by a knife. It was of a lidless eye...Sauron's mark.

Elrond looked to Glorfindel who looked at his friend with pain. Nevertheless, Elrond drew in a breath and sat down by Salgant. He carefully began cleaning the new wounds and taking care of them. Salgant just kept his eyes on the floor as Elrond worked. His thin body was tense as the elf worked after he finished bandaging the new he looked at the old ones. Checking to make sure they were alight.

It went out for what seemed like forever but soon Elrond was finished. Salgant just pulled his shirt on quickly and scooted away from them. He watched as Elrond stood up and walked on with Glorfindel. Soft whispers met his eyes and he just shut his eyes and turned his head away.

He shouldn't have agreed to say yes to that...he shouldn't even be here. He was a coward who let his friends and people die. He did not deserve things like this. A warm bed, warm food, even those friendly smiles he didn't deserve. Yet, why? Why are they showing him nothing but kindness? Where is the screaming and hatred his mind told him there will be? Where was the sword at his throat telling him his death will atone for the ones that he caused from his cowardice?

Salgant just shook his head and buried it in his hands. He was so confused. His mind told him for years that he was a weak coward who deserved nothing more than a quick death. Yet, the reality was showing him that someone cared? That the people he hurt held no grudge against him.

He heard the door open and looked up at Glorfindel. He was standing there thinking. Yet, when Salgant looked over he looked up and smiled. Salgant just looked down and shut his eyes. His fist clenched the blanket and he swallowed. "Why?" He asked. "Why?"

"What?" Glorfindel asked a bit confused.

Salgant looked up with a broken expression that looked confused, hurt, and pained. "Why! Why aren't you mad? Why aren't you threatening to kill me! You do nothing but stand there and show me kindness. Like I have done nothing wrong."

He looked at his shaking hands as he continued, "Why do you treat me the same? Like I am not a coward...like I didn't leave my...my city to burn. Like I didn't betray all of you."

He slowly sank into the bed. His forehead touching the blanket as tears streamed from his face. Glorfindel was quiet for a long moment but then asked, "Tell me. Do you want me to? Do you want me to scream at you?"

"...yes," Salgant replied.

"Why?" Glorfindel asked keeping his voice calm.

Salgant looked back up and snapped, "Since I am a coward! I betrayed all of you! I left everyone...I...I don't deserve any of this. I am nothing..I am just a coward and a traitor. Yet, you say you forgive me...that you aren't mad...why? Why are you being like this?"

Glorfindel gave him a long look and sat down on the bed. Salgant looked down with tears coming down his face. He opened his mouth but no words came. Glorfindel leaned over and Salgant into a hug again. As he held him he said, "I can't be mad at someone who has so clearly given themselves the punishment they think they deserve. How can I raise a sword at you when you can barely stand without shaking?"

Salgant stopped at that and looked up at Glorfindel. Who just sat back and looked at him with hair hanging in front of his face. Glorfindel pushed the hair away and said, "Plus. I have known you for a long time, I don't think you'll run with no reason."

Salgant looked at him and his gaze drifted to the side of his stomach. His hand moved to cover the area. He looked at Glorfindel as he stood up. "Know that I'm not mad...and when you are ready to say what happened. I'll listen." He said. Salgant just looked at him as he moved to a chair and sat down.

* * *

Salgant was lying awake that night. His mind was on what Glorfindel said. He looked over at the said elf who was sound asleep in the chair. He stood up carefully and crept to the bathroom.

Once there he looked in the mirror and let out out a long breath. He leaned on the table and kept his head down. He knows now they know...can he tell them? Will he be thrown out? Would Glorfindel understand? He shut his eyes and shook his head. He looked up at the mirror and put his hand against it.

He swallowed and shut his eyes clenching his fist he slammed it against the mirror shattering it. He gasped slightly as he grabbed his hand. He looked up as the door opened and he saw Elrond standing there.

He ducked his head and looked away. Yet, he knelt over and knelt down. "Can I see your hand?" He asked.

Salgant just moved it over and Elrond looked at it for a moment. "I'll be right back. Alright?" He said as he stood up and left. 

A few moments later he came back holding a few things. He sat back down by Salgant and placed his hand over a cloth. He then began removing the shards of glass that got into his hand. Salgant winced slightly but stayed still. They were quiet and after a few moments, Elrond said, "You know. I don't remember much of my birth father. Yet, I do remember he told me and my brother stories of you." 

"Me?" Salgant asked. 

Elrond nodded as he carefully worked. "Yes. He showed us how to make wooden pipes, he told us that you showed him how to." He replied. 

"Your father was Earendil?" Salgant asked looking at him with slightly wide eyes. 

"Yes," Elrond said.

Salgant looked at him and said, "He spoke of me?" 

"That's right," He replied as he finished bandaging his hand. Salgant looked at his hand and then at Elrond. 

"I remember him saying that you two were close," Elrond said.

Salgant nodded and closed his eyes. He opened them and looked at Elrond. "Thank you," He said. 

"Of course," Elrond said as he stood up. He looked over to the door as Glorfindel walked in. They looked at the shattered mirror and then at Salgant who was sitting there cradling his hand. "I can leave," He said. 

"no," Salgant said as he stood up. "I am heading back to the room." 

He slowly walked past Glorfindel who turned his head to look at Elrond. Once Salgant left the room, Elrond looked to Glorfindel and asked, "Do you anything that could have made him like this?" 

Glorfindel shook his head and said, "No. Yet, I told him when he is ready I will listen." 

"Good," Elrond said. Glorfindel nodded and went to make sure that Salgant to see how he was doing. 

* * *

One week later Glorfindel got Salgant to agree to a walk but it had to be at night a bit away from the city. Glorfindel agreed and there they were walking quietly through the night air. Stars spread across the sky twinkling softly. 

"Nice night," Glorfindel said. 

Salgant nodded a bit but stopped for a moment. He looked at the sky and let out a soft sigh. Glorfindel looked over and before he could ask if something was wrong. Salgant said, "Rauil once told me that no matter where you were. If you were lost or afraid. Just look to the stars and they will guide you back home." 

"Rauil?" Glorfindel asked. 

Salgant was quiet before he said, "My older brother," 

Glorfindel looked suprised. "You never told me you have an older brother." 

"Had," Salgant said. "He died...a long time ago." 

Glorfindel patted him on the shoulder and said, "I am sorry." 

Salgant looked at the ground and said, "He did not deserve to die, he was kind, smart, and brave. He always was ready for whatever came and he always kept his head held high. He never gave in to them. He never let them lower his head. He always looked them right in the eye." 

Glorfindel looked at him and then asked, "Them?" 

Salgant took let out a breath and said, "Morgoth and Sauron...mostly Sauron. He always looked him in the eyes. He never showed him his fear. He only broke once...one time. That was when Sauron turned his attention to me. The only time I saw him cry...the only time I saw fear in his eyes." 

Glorfindel was quiet as Salgant talked. Salgant had his head facing away but he suddenly looked at him and said, "Glorfindel? Can...can I talked to you?" 

Glorfindel nodded and said, "Of course." 

Salgant sat down by a tree and Glorfindel sat across from him. He waited quietly as Salgant was quiet for a while before he began. "My brother and I were born here. We are both Avari elves, I don't know around what time though. Most likely a few 100 years or so before the rising of the sun. Elves here did not have any protect...most of us stayed close to our own families. Some made small camps or cities. Yet, a lot of us were all loners. However, I never felt alone...I always had Rauil. He kept me safe, he taught me how to survive, and live." 

"What about your parents?" Glorfindel asked. 

"They died in an attack from Sauron. While Morgoth was imprisoned he kept up his work. He took elves to continue to find a perfect way to shape them into orcs, other monsters, or his own experiments. If the elves died in an attack to capture them...he just left them. My brother took me out for the day to show me a waterfall he found. I was the first one back." Salgant said putting a hand to his mouth and shaking. 

Glorfindel put a hand on Salgant's shoulder. He started to have many questions but just let Salgant talk. "After they died my brother and I lived day by day. We traveled around a lot...for a time we where staying with other elves at a camp. Yet, there was another attack...my brother quickly got us away. He kept us alive...I once asked him why we left our friends and people who sort of became family. He told me that it is noble to fight for one's people but he then said that he thought it also could be noble to live for one's people. I realize now that he lived with the regret of leaving them. Yet, he ignored it and focused on keeping us alive. We had to just focus on surviving. Then one day...we got caught off guard. An attack came and the next thing we knew. Were at Sauron's mercy." 

Salgant shook as he spoke about this part, fear was plastered over his face. "I was still considered young but I instantly saw his cruelty. He enjoyed what he did and the first thing he liked to do was to make sure you were too afraid of him to want to do anything. Yet, when we were there any time he turned to me my brother purposely got him mad so I would be in less pain. He always gave me a bit of food we were able to get it, he wanted me to survive it. Yet, one day...he realized what he was doing so he ignored my brother's comments. He...he." 

The tears then came as Salgant hid his head in his hands. His shoulders shook with fear and the pain from the memory. Glorfindel was just quietly waiting for when he was ready to continue. "He made me understand what it was to fear something...understand pain. Yet, the next day when he came back my brother moved in front of me and said if no harm would come to me, that he'll do anything for him. Sauron told him to swear it and he just replied that they both had to. I do not remember much of what they swore but after Sauron did do as he promised. 

I still do not know what Sauron made my brother do but I saw he wasn't the same. I saw he tried to hide it but there his eyes were different. Yet, to keep me safe he was willing to do anything to protect me. But we should have known that he would not keep his promise, that he would find a loophole. Morgoth returned and once again they made sure I understood what pain was. My brother was furious and tried again to have them make a deal that I won't be hurt. They didn't listen." Salgant who was still crying slightly stopped for a few moments to breathe and get himself together. 

"Yet, one day. Everyone was distracted and Sauron left. So my brother used that to get us out. Just as we got to that border...Sauron found us. I Still can't remember what happened but the next thing I knew...Rauil was in front of me shielding me. I remember his blood that fell on my face...I remember that was the only time I saw him cry. He was sorry for what happened...that he was not strong enough. That he had to leave me alone." Salgant said and with that, he stopped and looked at Glorfindel who was just sitting there. Glorfindel had some tears in his eyes as Salant finished the story. 

Glofindel whipped his eyes and looked at Salgant and asked, "Why did you not tell any of us?" 

Salgant wrapped his arms around him and said, "I was afraid...I was scared that all of you would think my brother worked with them and that I did too. Yet...I don't think it's fear...I think it's me being weak. I hate myself for what I did, I regret it everyday since I think to myself what would Rauil think. He told me to live and not survive. He suffered so much so I won't...but was it all for nothing? Was his pain and death for nothing since I can't look at myself without feeling sick? Glofindel...I am just a coward." 

Glorfindel nodded and then looked at him. Then pulled Salgant into a hug once again, he had a feeling he knew why he did what he did. It was the fear that Sauron made sure Salgant felt when he was young. Judging by that fear and everything that happened to him. It stayed with him and when he had to face it. He couldn't, he had no one he trusted enough to help him. 

After a moment Glorfindel let go and sat back. Salgant dried his eyes and swallowed a bit. Glorfindel looked at him and said, "Salgant. You are not a coward...it took a lot of strength to tell me this and if you want. You have been through a lot for ages and you are still here. That takes strength. Also, if you want we can tell this to Elrond and maybe we can start to help you get over this. The darkness that you fear is both gone from here. Middle earth is at peace now and you deserve that too." 

He held out his hand to Salgant and asked, "Well? What do you think?" 

Salgant nodded a bit and took his hand and Glorfindel helped him up. They headed back to Rivendell and once they got there GLorindel noticed that it already had become dawn. He looked at Salgant who stopped for a moment and was looking at the rising sun. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.


End file.
